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Daniela Monasterios Tan

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5 stupid things people have done for love [Jul. 26th, 2013|01:57 pm]
Daniela Monasterios Tan
1. invented a way to get past the berlin wall
2. sneaked into a concentration camp 100 times to see their loved one
3. sleeping with anyone that came their way in search for the one they lost
4. self-sabotaging love in the hopes of one day receiving unrequited love
5. dying alone mourning for lost love
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loopy loot [May. 27th, 2013|12:28 am]
Daniela Monasterios Tan
girls have a not so subtle subtle language, i wonder what it was like before the internet.
it's like the world knew we would be dangerous without our petty thoughts and jealousies, so the seeds were planted in us.
if instead of all trying to do our little bits, we came together for something bigger, this world would be so incredibly different.
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shop fronts [May. 25th, 2013|01:19 pm]
Daniela Monasterios Tan

The world is controlled by a lot of restraint and a lot of careful scripts. To live a life of spontaneaty and total honesty would keep everyone confused.

I think you're beautiful, would you just buy my umbrella, I'm talking to you mostly because I want you to buy this, I'm actually making a huge profit out of your kindness but it's really appreciated, we could be soul mates, I came here just to see you.

The kind of speech that we would have in everyday would be so heavy, it would be chaotic.
Instead we are left with talking about trite matters that are more manageable.

How is the weather, would you like to have sugar with that, how interesting, what a coincidence.

When someone can make you feel like you're home, there is so much heaviness you can say to them to keep them in place, but people are nomadic and homes move. Our light and contrite words make it easier, too.
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Mid year check-in [Apr. 28th, 2013|10:15 am]
Daniela Monasterios Tan
2013 SO FAR...

I'm sitting on my bed listening to a sick remix by Dave for our Blueprint show, with the window's open and the rain pelting down, washing the dust off the week from the leaves.

I'm fucking happy being here right now, I chose not to go to visit Canes/go to church. Although that leaves me with The guilt. I think I'll always live with guilt, it's sick. I feel guilt for not doing enough, for doing too much, for not liking someone, for liking someone too much, I over-think and under-feel.

I went out last night and went home at 1am to eat McD's. It's the 5th time this week that I'm eating fast food, I have no idea what's wrong with me. I feel this constant need to do fun things and make the most out of life but I don't even know what's fun to me anymore. The music has changed, now SHM is telling me they're feeling fly like a G6, that's supposed to be fun.

Been recording my dreams on my notepad, re-curring people and unexpected things keep popping up, I'm sure there is a psycho-analysis to all that but also, I'm just obsessing.
I don't really know how to chill, everything is extreme.

I'm still handling 5 jobs currently. I'm not even kidding, 3 LaSalle classes, 2 Children art classes, Helping C. with her exhibition and Mash-Up. I like them all but maybe I don't. I'm not tuned in to my real feelings, it's frustrating and I'm ranting.

I know everyone over-thinks but they're so good at keeping their shit together, why can't I be that way. It's like living in my own Dante-esque inferno. Everyday. My head's a constant argument with myself from waking up when the alarm rings, working out, what I feel like eating versus what I should be eating, working and procrastinating even down to sleeping.

Tired of this.

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The day they said will be the last [Dec. 21st, 2012|02:00 am]
Daniela Monasterios Tan

It just seems fitting that I should be writing an entry today before the end of the world. Just in case. Like buying insurance because accidents happen only when you don't buy it.

I met with two old friends and they have their shit together. And people tell you you're doing good but it's never the end and you're not being humble it's truth. Never cared much about money, just about keeping the dream alive. Is the fact that the dream needs money a bad sign about the dream? It's a materialistic dream, sounds oxymoronic.

I woke up today feeling super happy. Nothing special happened. i just finished my meds, i had a boring salad for lunch and the weather was capricious. and even if the surroundings were off, it was as if everything was on its right place inside of me.

I feel okay.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Nov. 10th, 2012|12:17 am]
Daniela Monasterios Tan
We talk too much for our own good and the internet is going to make sure that every single stupid thought you had will be recorded and kept for eternity.'
Because eternity is the span of time that your brain grasps and beyond.
I could die today and still have lived a 100 lives, but there are some things that I wish I had had more strength to do/not do. And a lot of people I wish I had not hurt. And others whom I wish I had not let hurt me.
Everyday I see things get stupidier and stupider- comments online piss me off because of their ignorance. But me retaliating would just show MY ignorance and impatience.
I wish I knew how to be silent and patient-----
But not really. I enjoy letters and words and sounds too much.
It's like I am a brain and I could probably live in a jar without a body.
Although sometimes I need some body.
Like I need a cigarette right now.
To pull that poisonous smoke sharply into my lungs and blog it out through the o of my lips.
It seems that's the only physical contact I can get or allow myself to get recently.
I don't trust myself with people anymore.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I it's as if the alphabet has too many letters and I could live with just I.
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(no subject) [Oct. 24th, 2012|12:53 am]
Daniela Monasterios Tan

Read my future
At the bottom of my soup bowl

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Sep. 27th, 2012|09:59 pm]
Daniela Monasterios Tan

Sin miedo,

I don't remember the feel of ink just flowing and the words have never been easy to let go of, they come staggering without grace or charm.
My shy words, apprehensive, like a toddler taking its first steps.
Nobody likes falling but if we remembered what it felt to walk, sin miedo, without a pre-conceived memory of what the floor would feel like.
If we could all forget the pain of that fall, we could all let go of the fear of missing a step and we would finally be able to walk into the darkness, sin miedo.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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And you broke me again [Sep. 18th, 2012|11:27 pm]
Daniela Monasterios Tan

And when I try to think of you, I only see good things.
Why am I so blinded by you.
Why do I believe all your words and chivalry even when my friends Common and Sense tell me you're a fake?
Am I just in love with the idea of being in love.
I probably am.
I saw Frida's embroideries and her love for Diego and I thought of how I wanted to make art about you.
When you asked me to be with you, with a 12 hour time difference, instead of looking at the distance I thought about the fun things we could do through Skype.
Isn't that just like behaviour of a puppy just being dragged around? Except I am stuck with an owner who doesn't love dogs.
I sicken myself and you make me hate myself for being so weak.
You broke my walls and then showed me that you weren't worth breaking them for.
Your light isn't bright, it's toxic. Mercurous.
You told me that I need to respect myself by not letting you treat me like shit, instead of looking at the truth I saw the positive of such a statement. Oh he must love me. I need to be slapped around.
And then your friend tells me you are suicidal after I tell you that I'll give you what you want.
We never know what we want
Why is it so fucking impossible for me to love unconditionally and to be loved that way too.
I really don't ask for much.
I don't.
But maybe that's the problem.
Maybe I should.
Oh what a day. It's torture. Because I know you'll be back and I will keep on falling.
When you left I tried to pick up your vices. And your strength. Because maybe by having what I don't, what you have, I wouldn't need you anymore.
You see, I'm turning into you.
A complex black hole, about to eat myself.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Sep. 6th, 2012|12:30 am]
Daniela Monasterios Tan

I feel like I have been waiting so long for this to happen, and it's not the way I thought I'd feel.

I need to see you again to remember, what we used to be.

I feel bad, my words don't carry weight or truth anymore because... It felt like I never thought it would feel with anyone else but you.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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