|Mid year check-in
||[Apr. 28th, 2013|10:15 am]
Daniela Monasterios Tan
2013 SO FAR...|
I'm sitting on my bed listening to a sick remix by Dave for our Blueprint show, with the window's open and the rain pelting down, washing the dust off the week from the leaves.
I'm fucking happy being here right now, I chose not to go to visit Canes/go to church. Although that leaves me with The guilt. I think I'll always live with guilt, it's sick. I feel guilt for not doing enough, for doing too much, for not liking someone, for liking someone too much, I over-think and under-feel.
I went out last night and went home at 1am to eat McD's. It's the 5th time this week that I'm eating fast food, I have no idea what's wrong with me. I feel this constant need to do fun things and make the most out of life but I don't even know what's fun to me anymore. The music has changed, now SHM is telling me they're feeling fly like a G6, that's supposed to be fun.
Been recording my dreams on my notepad, re-curring people and unexpected things keep popping up, I'm sure there is a psycho-analysis to all that but also, I'm just obsessing.
I don't really know how to chill, everything is extreme.
I'm still handling 5 jobs currently. I'm not even kidding, 3 LaSalle classes, 2 Children art classes, Helping C. with her exhibition and Mash-Up. I like them all but maybe I don't. I'm not tuned in to my real feelings, it's frustrating and I'm ranting.
I know everyone over-thinks but they're so good at keeping their shit together, why can't I be that way. It's like living in my own Dante-esque inferno. Everyday. My head's a constant argument with myself from waking up when the alarm rings, working out, what I feel like eating versus what I should be eating, working and procrastinating even down to sleeping.
Tired of this.